I seriously can not take this constant ego bashing in my life. It is slowly killing my self-esteem. Sorry for the depressing post, but I needed to vent somewhere where no one would see this.

The Call

Jordan Hayes sent me this video in an email today. We were having a conversation about true friends and how much has changed. I moved away and have lost friends in the process, and the same thing happened to him. My whole life has turned upside down...or maybe it was already upside down and it's just now turning right side up. Funny thing is, a lot of my friends have access to internet and texting and calling and such...but long distance communication is just too hard. Jordan has been there from square one. He's got advice for everything, and in the off chance he doesn't, he has a song to help me out. Now he's not the only friend that I haven't lost. There are a handful. But he emailed me a novel today, and managed to solve all of my problems and feel better about my life all in one email.

I miss him terribly. I miss everyone terribly, but I can't mend broken relationships on my own. It takes two, so I am trying to move on and realize that everything is different. I don't know if it's for better or for worse, but it's done and I am okay with it. Life goes on. The world isn't going to stop turning because things are different today than they were a year ago.

I have a week left of my freshman year of college, but it feels like it's been a lifetime since I left Johnston County, North Carolina. There is not very much that is the same. My friends, family, and I have all changed. Some of us changed together and some did not, but it's the circle of life. I'm going to keep going and make my life the best way that I can. And in a little over 100 days I will be moving into a new dorm on a new campus with my new(ish) bestie and the whole changing thing will keep going.

People say they don't like change, myself being one of those people, but saying that doesn't make sense. Everything is constantly changing. The weather, the news, people, jobs....it all changes. I guess we all just have to learn to accept it and make the most of it.

...and sometimes reality hits hard.

I've realized this over the last week or so. I'm almost done with my freshman year of college. It went by so fast, and I've only got three years left. I'm job hunting for this summer and trying to find ways to fit in doing everything I want to do and seeing everyone I want to see.

It's amazing how much things can change though. A year ago, I was sitting in a classroom at West Johnston. I was playing my french horn hanging out with my friends. I knew where I was going and what I was doing. It's so different now. I don't even live in North Carolina anymore. I've lost friends and gained some. I live in a dorm room for nine months of the year and spend the other 100 days in Maryland. I've grown up a lot and made a lot of memories that I will always cherish. I'm planning a future for myself. I have known all along that these things would happen sooner or later, but I guess it just snuck up on me.

For those new people in my life: I love you all and don't know what I would do without you.

For those old friends that are still in my life: I love you and miss you and you need to visit.

For those friends that I have lost: Don't forget me. I miss you. And I would love for you to come back into my life.

For all of you collectively: Thank you all for shaping me into the person I am today. You've all changed me in some way or another, and you all have a special place in my heart.

Love always,
Alina

Realizations

So over the last few months, I have been slowly arriving to a realization. My friends here have helped me come to terms with it, so I definitely have a good support group. Here it is...my favorite color is pink. Everytime I buy something I buy it in pink. Don't get me wrong. I still love orange. but pink is my favorite. That is all.

Important Life Decision!

The other night, I was sitting on my friend Kellie's bed watching a video that my mom posted on Facebook. It's a long video (about 10 minutes), so I don't really expect anyone to watch it, but I'll give you a quick summary. It's about this amazing science teacher. He had a son and was really excited to watch him grow up and go to his sports games etc. He then found out that his son had Joubert Syndrome (very rare). If you don't know what that is, look it up. The internet can probably explain it better than I can.

At first, he had a hard time grasping this. It's tough for a parent to find out that their child is not "normal." Anyways, he didn't think that his son could play or communicate like other children until he walked in on his daughter and son playing together. The family then started teaching Adam (his son) basic sign language.

The feeling that I got when I heard Mr.Wright talk about the first time Adam sign "Daddy I love you" was incredible. I was bawling like a baby. I cried for a good half hour and I couldn't really figure out what had done it. Why was I crying like a baby? I've seen children do amazing, miraculous things in my mom's classroom since I was twelve years old.

Then I realized it...This is what I want to do with my life. I know that it's a big decision, and it doesn't usually happen like that...but it did to me.
I've spent time working with kids with intellectual disabilities since I was in elementary school. I always feel a sense of accomplishment and belonging in those classrooms. Apparently, it didn't shock a lot of people. Everyone knew it was coming, yadayadayada, etc.

Basically, the point of my story is that I have something to work towards now. I want to be a speech pathologist for kids with severe and profound disabilities. I want to watch children that some believed incapable of communication and "normal" behavior prosper. I want to see them take the leaps that allow them to communicate with their parents, siblings, teachers, etc. It feels right. I don't know if I've ever felt more sure of almost anything else in my life. So that's that.

Here's the link to the video if you want to watch.

My Life in a Few Sentences

Soo...I haven't blogged in several months. Life gets busy. But most people know about the important stuff that has happened to me.

I went to North Carolina for a week, which was fantastic, excluding the fact that I didn't get a chance to see everyone that I wanted to. (I still love you all).

I went to the Presidential Inauguration, which was pretty phenomenal. It was cold, but amazing and completely worth it. I also went to the GWU Inaugural Ball, which was great because I spent it with some of my best friends.

That's the last month wrapped in a few sentences. I'm currently in Astronomy class, so I'm not going to write a novel. I miss you all and wish you would respond to my letters :P

:)

It's my Birthday!!!!!

I have a lot to blog about. But not today.